Overcoming The Nice Guy Syndrome

Hey there, welcome back to the List Building Lifestyle Show. I am Igor Kheifets. And today we’re tackling a fundamental aspect of personal growth. reading lists, I get asked a lot about the books I recommend. And while my list changes as I grow, there are some real gems that stick around. So today I want to talk with you about two key areas, mindset and technique. You’ll see what we read as entrepreneurs can really shape how we think and how we do things in our businesses. So let’s chat about some classic mindset shifting reads and some practical guides for mastering skills like copywriting. Stick around, because by the end of this episode, you might just discover the perfect book to take your business to the next level.

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I’m Igor Kheifets and this is the list building lifestyle. The podcast for anyone who wants to build a wildly profitable email list working from home. If you’d like to make six figures travel the world and help people improve their lives in the process. This podcast is for you. I also invite you to claim a free copy of my best selling book, the list building lifestyle Confessions of an email millionaire at igorsbook.com. Get the free book plus $3,000 bonus package that includes my best capture page templates, email, swipe files, and traffic blueprints, visit www.igorsbook.com for details. And now it’s time to claim your list building lifestyle.

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Over the years, people asked me about my reading list and my recommendations for reading. Those recommendations tend to change based on my development in life. And as I come across more and more resources, obviously I kind of update but there’s always like a few books, they’re constantly on that list. And I guess it’s hard for me to always remember what it’s like to be a beginner. So there’s really two, I think two schools of thought for when it comes to reading lists. And the first school of thought is about mindset. The second school of thought is about techniques and strategies and you know, the specific execution of whatever the method is. And when it comes to these things, I do believe that mindset is more important, because you can figure out the techniques with the right mindset, you can figure out, you can succeed with great techniques and bad mindset, basically. So as far as the mindset goes, I probably recommend a couple of books. 

One is I would recommend a book called No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover. And that book is about mindset. It’s about a part of mindset that a lot of people don’t consider when they get into online business or any kind of business. You see one experience that I guess everyone has when they start a business is that their friends and family don’t really respect that they have friends and family kind of almost make fun of it. And you know, they really don’t take your dream of starting a business seriously. My dad was like the biggest naysayer, my brother was the biggest naysayer too. But my brother lived like two hours away from me. So I didn’t see him as often. But I was living under the same roof with my dad. So he kind of made it clear to me every single day, you know. So friends and family simply won’t respect what you’re trying to achieve. And if you’re the sort of person who wants to get your friends and family’s approval, what will happen is they will be setting expectations for you. And letting you know that you’re not meeting those expectations. They’ll be letting you know that you’re wrong. And you’re misbehaving for wanting to build something for yourself. 

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They will take it personally, they will criticize you for it. And so if you’re like if you fit into the nice guy or a nice gal definition, you will let that stop you from building the business of your dreams. No more Mr. Nice Guy. Although it’s a bit of a book, I’d say it’s a book about relationships more than it is about business. I think what it will teach you is it’ll teach you that it’s okay to know what you want and prioritize it in your life. Meaning that you don’t have to always go pleasing everybody else. And that would be a big deal because you will encounter situations as you’re building your business where you will be forced to choose between pleasing your loved one and following your dream. I’ve had so many instances in my life where it happened. One of the most vivid memories is when I was saving up some money for a new laptop that I knew I needed to do my marketing and so I could actually do it on the go. So while I would go to and from work, I could actually work on my laptop. 

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And my mom wanted me to give some money because my dad didn’t work that much For some, like they were like struggling with the bills that month, even though I was already kind of chipping in on the bills, and they wanted to basically take all of my laptop money and to cover some bills that were due. And you know, that moment was the one of the first times when I said, Mom, look, I love you, and I love dad. But I’m building something, and I need this money for what I’m building. And you’ll have to figure this out some other way, which is the first time ever that I told my mom that she can’t have my support and something, I felt bad about it, I felt like shit, to be honest. 

And I, you know, I regretted saying at the moment I did, but in the long run, I know that was the right decision. So you will have to let go of the identity, right of a nice guy or a nice gal identity. If you want to succeed. It’s impossible to be that and to be successful, just impossible, because your friends and family, your friends, your society, your societal values, your community, all of these things, will get in the way. Because if you’re not successful, if you’re not a multimillionaire, if you’re not making multiple six figures in your community it is more like birds of a feather flock together, right? So the reason you’re not making all that money is because you’re in the community that isn’t making money. So they won’t understand that mindset. So the moment you want to break out, they will judge you for it. 

And you’ll have to grow some thick skin. So no more Mr. Nice Guy is a great book, I highly recommend reading. Another one that I would recommend for mindset is the secret of selling anything by Harry Brown. And the reason that book is important is because it teaches you that it’s okay to sell. It teaches you that it is you know, it’s not a yucky thing to do. Because a lot of people have tons of preconceived notions about money, about taking money from people, about charging a certain price. They have all kinds of hiccups about that, to the same extent. There’s also the no BS wealth attraction for entrepreneurs by Dan Kennedy. He breaks down all kinds of hiccups that people have about money that tend to hold them back. And that’s, that’s important. As far as techniques go.

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Most of the cortical techniques I’ve done are about automation, and kind of squeezing more ROI from less time and effort. And for that the books such as E Myth, or work the system are great books for that. But as far as other types of techniques, it usually revolves around copywriting or selling of some sort. And I think that’s really the skill to learn. When you are starting out. It’s the copywriting part of it. It’s the ability to influence people by putting words on either paper or websites or inside of an email or in a Facebook post. And these things are this as a skill set. I mean, you have to have it, you have to understand it at least. So anything that helps you become a better persuader will usually be a great investment of time, money and effort. And for me, there’s, I mean, there’s so many great copywriting books, there’s so many great communication books. It’s really hard to sort of pick out the I guess the best ones.

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I’d say Dan Kennedy’s Ultimate Sales Letter is a great start. I’d say how to tell a story by Gary Provost is a pretty good one. Open click buy junk Benson is definitely something to check out hypnotic writing by Joe Vitale, you should definitely look into that triggers by Joe Sugarman. It’s a pretty good book.

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Another book for mindset that I would actually recommend you read or at least read the cover, because it kind of gives you the whole book is Extreme Ownership by Jocko willink, I think that’s an important one to read as well, because what I see people do throughout life. And this is true, especially for anyone who isn’t rich. They tend to go around pointing fingers, they tend to go around and explain all the different external reasons as to why they’re not successful. 

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I think this is equal to having a virus of some kind in your system. That pretty much prevents you from being financially healthy or emotionally healthy for the rest of your life. The more you go about blaming other people and circumstances and whatever for your shortcomings or for not having what you want in life, the less likely you are to ever be successful in my opinion. One thing, one of the things that I’ve noticed that is pretty common for anyone who’s extremely successful, is they don’t go about wasting time complaining. Especially about other people. They don’t go about spending a lot of time and they’re in a victim mentality frame like they don’t go about kind of relisting all the reasons why they can’t be what they want to be or can have what they want to have, they always just move on and figure that look, whatever I have or don’t have is 100% my fault. 

And it’s a big mindset shift to make, in my opinion, because that means that all your failures are your fault. But it also means all your successes are your full two, which is tough for people, because most people, especially, you know, poor people, can’t really stomach the responsibility and the weight of whether it’s failure or success, it’s equally, you know, heavy on them. But I think if you, if you can shift that mindset, and take Extreme Ownership for everything, you will have an incredible advantage. 

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And you’ll skyrocket to success much faster, because you won’t be held back by telling people why you can’t have what you want. Because that will mean, they say you can only be rich with excuses or money, right? You can’t have both. So that’s kind of like that, you, you really have to be walking around this earth with this Extreme Ownership mindset. So I mean, I used to think that the world owes me something I truly, truly, truly did, whether it’s people, whether it’s circumstance, whether it’s whatever. But eventually I got rid of that mindset. 

And I realized that if I don’t have something, it’s only because I haven’t taken the right actions to have it. And if there were obstacles on the way, it’s only because I was, I wasn’t either smart enough or hardworking enough or resourceful enough to overcome these obstacles or choose a different path. But at the end of the day, it’s on me, whether it’s my income, whether it’s my relationships, whether it’s the outcomes I’m getting, you know, with my media, buying campaigns, whether it’s the email drop providers I chose, who sent me, you know, bad clicks, everything is 100% My responsibility when it comes to my life, anything that’s within my locus of control, right? There are certain things that are outside of my locus of control, but even then, when they happen, I can choose how to respond. And if I take on everything as a challenge, rather than a fatal, you know, occurrence, right, well, then nothing can stop me, really. So just something to think about. Again, you don’t have to read the book, Extreme Ownership to understand the idea, but if you do enjoy reading, it’s actually a pretty cool book. There’s lots of war stories and things like that.

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Thank you for listening to the list building lifestyle, get access to the previous episodes transcript of today’s show, as well as other exclusive content at listbuildinglifestyleshow.com. Also, remember to claim your free copy of my best selling book at www.igorsbook.com. It explains how I made millions with list building starting from scratch. Plus, I’ll give you $3,000 worth of free bonuses, including my best landing page templates, email swipe files, and traffic blueprints. Go to www.igorsbook.com now to claim your free package.