Conversations With My Sex Coach

Hi. I’m Igor Kheifets and this is the list building lifestyle. The podcast for anyone who wants to build a wildly profitable email list working from home. If you’d like to make six figures travel the world and help people improve their lives in the process, this podcast is for you. I also invite you to claim a free copy of my bestselling book, the list building lifestyle Confessions of an email millionaire at www.igorsbook.com. Get the free book plus $3,000 bonus package that includes my best capture page templates, email, swipe files, and traffic blueprints, visit www.igorsbook.com for details. And now it’s time to claim your list building lifestyle.

00:50

Welcome back to the list building lifestyle. I’m your host, Igor Kheifets and today I’ve got something different for you. I’ve invited a guy who built an incredible business in the sex niche. Yes, the sex niche. So my guest, Charles Black, teaches men how to have the sex life they deserve. And the reason I invited him is not to teach you how to have a better sex life. If you want to find out more about that, you should head over to his website, donofdesire.com but today, I want to discuss with Charles and I want you to eavesdrop on this conversation, to learn a huge lesson in this building. Because he went through some stuff a couple years back, that really taught him the value of owning your own audience and being in control of your cash flow. So with that said, help me welcome my guest, Charles Black. Charles, welcome to the list building lifestyle.

01:47

Hello, thank you for having me.

01:49

Yeah, it’s our pleasure. I’ve been following you for some time. I think I purchased one of your courses, being in an airport Mohsen. In Europe, somewhere, I think it was, I think I had a layover in Frankfurt or something. So felt like the right time to read about having a better sex life, I guess, at the time. So I’m, I’m a fan. Like, I’m a customer. I’m a fan and I’ve seen what happened to you a couple of years back with your business. So I’ll let you tell that story. But first, why don’t you share with us? How did you come up with the idea of even going into this sort of niche or direction?

02:30

Yeah, I mean, to cut a long story short, we could say, I was challenged with women as a younger man and it led to some insecurities on my part. But the key thing that happened was that I around my early 20s, I was dating a girl. And we were engaged. And she ended up leaving me specifically because I was so terrible in bed. And

03:08

I will actually say that. Yes, yeah. Oh, really? She just trolls. You know, it’s, you know, how they say it’s not you. It’s me. Well, in this case, it’s actually because you, you’re terrible. It was I mean, seriously. I mean, what’s she that mean? Yeah.

03:26

I mean, the stories in the book that you got, actually, if you got the first book. But yeah, it all culminated in a failing relationship. I spent a lot of money to take us on a weekend away to thinking in the hopes in the naive hopes that that would just some grand gesture would fix everything. And then when we got to the hotel, everything like it, it was like it, it worked. Her perception had changed. Her attitude towards me was ecstatic again, like the beginning and then up until the moment we got into the bedroom. And then as soon as the clothes came off, the disappointment was very clear and clearer and clearer as time went on. And then if it if that wasn’t bad enough, as that was happening, we had I can only call it a performance from the couple next door being very, very loud and having a much, much better time than us. And the contrast of that was the final nail in the coffin for that relationship basically.

04:43

Wow, that’s terrible, man. I’m sorry, you had to go through it but at the same time, I guess if you chose to respond in a in a product Yeah.

04:51

So that led me down the path to become obsessed and thing of what happened here and yeah, that led me to write in the books that that I that, that make up my business now.

05:06

Yeah, that’s, that’s insane man. Well, I’m glad that you did that story is inspiring. And just like, I guess just like many of us, we guys are we just have to learn, you know, some, I mean, there’s many maybe like 1% who are born with that sort of intelligence but the rest of us men, we have to be told exactly what to do we need a checklist or a manual or something. When we hit puberty, you know, I wish someone like came up to me at my Bar Mitzvah or something and be like, Okay, so there’s gonna be a stage in your life coming up in a bit, you know, you’ll have to know some things. So here, I made this checklist for you, you know, make sure to learn it by heart. And when it time comes execute, as stated, you know, but yeah, it’s truly crazy. But I’m really, I’m really inspired by stories like this. Because, you know, life can sometimes throw a big pile of stinking warm, crap or shit you right, and you can mold it into something beautiful. So that’s great. Now, the reason I invited you to the show is because I know that a while back, you had a big presence on YouTube. And that’s how I discovered Yeah, I don’t recall exactly what I was looking for. But I did end up watching one of your videos, then clicking on the link in the description or the profile, and getting on your list, and I’ve been on your list since. But, yeah, tell us about that. Tell us about your YouTube experience. And exactly what happened.

06:39

Yeah, I said, it was quite a funny story. Like, because even though I had got to the point, how long ago was this, I guess this was seven or seven or so years ago, now, maybe, maybe more, maybe less. My friend was the one that convinced me to start this business and to start the YouTube channel. And I had the knowledge and he had seen me give guys advice, privately as a, like one to one thing, and he was like, you have to make a business out of this. So he already had a business on YouTube. And I was like, Okay, how do we how do we do this? How do we go about it, he’s like, Well, you’re gonna take what you know. And you’re gonna make a new video every single day. And so, this is one of the smartest guys I ever met. So I was like, if you if that’s what you say to do, that’s what I’m gonna do. So I just started taking what I knew, and but in it, in a sense, throwing spaghetti at the wall, you know, seeing what stuck and just making a new video every single day, but absolutely nothing worked. Might these videos were getting like five views, 10 views, whatever, like nothing. And like, it’s, it’s embarrassing enough to put videos on YouTube. And nobody could care less about what you’re doing. And nobody watches. But it’s another level of embarrassment when you’re putting yourself out there as I am the guy that knows all about sex, and nobody could care less about what you’re saying. So I did it for like, I did it for like a month or two straight with no, barely any traction, tiny, tiny, mate. And then I went to my friend and I was like, Look, dude, this is embarrassing. This is not working. Nobody wants to hear this. And he just like, he basically put his hand on my shoulder. And he was like, dude, keep going. So I’m like, okay, okay. So I kept practicing, kept working on all of the things that I felt were important to help with content on YouTube. And then a few weeks after that, I made a video on oral sex. And it just went viral. It just absolutely took off. And I think it had a few 100,000 views within a few weeks. And then it had a million not long after that. And then from then on, I had that traction, and I sort of had a better understanding of what was working. And I grew it quite fast after that, like once we took off it, it was definitely an exponential. Like, returns still. But that was the moment and that’s where things change. Yeah.

09:20

Well, that’s, that’s interesting. You say that because, you know, we’re email marketers over here in the Elizabethton Lifestyle University. You know, a just yesterday, we were doing a coaching call with our paying customers, and somebody asked me, it’s like, I’ve been mailing my list for some time and nothing, you know, nothing is happening. And I told them the exact same thing as your friend. It’s like, you gotta keep emailing, you know? Because at first, I don’t know why. I really have no reasonable explanation to this, but I’ve seen this time and time again. The first however many weeks or months, you’re mailing and nothing’s happening, like it seems like nothing’s happening. On the surface, but it’s like underneath the surface, there’s like, something’s going on. Then at some point, it just explodes at some point just starts really, really, really working. I’ve had the exact same experience with my list, you know, mailing for different products and offers and seeing basically no response. And all of a sudden, one day I would email, and I hadn’t made like, seven sales or 17 sales. And I was like, it’s like, oh, wait to say, is this working? It’s working. And then, and then you get like, double the drive and the passion to keep to keep doing what you’re doing.

10:36

Because you have a lot of people, right, who sit on the fence, and they need to read, they need a lot of encouragement to make to make that leap to take the purchase. So they might read 20 emails before they decide to buy.

10:49

Yeah, absolutely. That’s, that’s so true. So now that you’re building your YouTube channel, you’re putting in the hours you put in the content, you’re producing at least a video once a day. And it’s taken off. So take us to the moment to the peak at the peak. How big was your business? How big was your YouTube presence? How big was your influence on that platform?

11:18

Yeah, it was like, Yeah, I mean, so I got to the YouTube channel got to about 300,000 subscribers. And I think I had about 60 million views on the on the videos, and like, the biggest video had like 14 million views. And, yes, it was just crazy, man. And you know, it’s kind of one of those. It’s a tricky channel, you know, because I had that the views and the subscribers don’t add up. Because there’s a lot of people who are hesitant to sign subscribe to a channel that’s about sex advice. You know what I’m trying to say?

11:54

Yeah, it’s a bit embarrassing, you know, to, like, especially if you if you’ve got a YouTube channel connected to your TV, like I do. Yeah, exactly. My kids watch it, and my wife can see it. So it would be awkward, you know, to have my daughter turn on, like an episode of Ladybug and Cat Noir. And all of a sudden, it’s like, oh, the better, you know, I wouldn’t be I don’t think my wife would appreciate it either.

12:22

Even if she would appreciate it. She wouldn’t appreciate it in that moment.

12:25

Yes, exactly. It’d be like, dammit, Igor. Yeah. Right. So. So I mean, that sounds like a pretty big YouTube channel to me. Yeah. Yeah. And I have a tremendous influence in that in that niche. Yeah. Yeah. So now take us, you know, to the take us to the, to the lowest point. What happens then?

12:52

Yeah, so sorry. Yeah. So basically, I guess it was the end of 2020. I think that, you know, he got up to about 350,000 subscribers, I think in the end, and then I come home from like a social event with some friends watching some UFC, I sit down with my girlfriend opened my laptop, and I get this Instagram message from someone who follows the channel. And they’re like, Dude, where’s your channel. And I just immediately had this sinking feeling in my stomach and opened up my laptop, went to the channel, and it was just gone. And I never just like that, like no, like, in general, the way YouTube says it, you have a three strikes in your out policy. So if you get three strikes, then they’ll take your channel away. But even if you get a strike after 90 days or something, you lose that strike. So you’re back to zero, so, but I had zero strikes on the channel, nothing. I had noticed YouTube doing some funny stuff with the views in the six months or a year leading up to that, but they had never contacted me. They had never said anything. And then it was just gone. And then they have a appeal process. I sent through an email for that. And they’re supposed to do a manual review. But as soon as I sent the email within like 30 seconds, I had a response like we’ve done a manual review. There’s no way this is coming back. So they’ve already made their mind up. I don’t know what happened behind the scenes. I still have no clue. But yeah, it just and then, but I mean with the relevance of your podcast in that awful, awful moment. You know, I built that channel. I think it was for four years. I built that channel like pretty much my full time job was working on this content, building all of this stuff and then it was just gone. And the only thing that saved me in that moment in that moment was having an email list that saved everything.

15:07

Wow, wow, there’s so many lessons to unpack there. First off again, I’m sorry, life through another big stinking pile of crap your way. But I’m happy we’re building a list because not every YouTuber does. And a lot of a lot of people on YouTube, they really think of themselves as YouTubers, rather than thinking of themselves as online, you know, having to build an online presence, or we’re building some kind of media of their own, which is a list at the very least, I mean, even this podcast in the way is a media that I can control because, yeah, like I can publish it. Yeah, exactly. That’s just a feed. Like even a Spotify says, Okay, we don’t want you anymore. We can just publish on the on the Google podcast, you know, Apple podcasts and so on. So, so basically, you went from having one of the largest sex education, YouTube channels in the world. Yeah. At least for guys to do having not having no presence on YouTube whatsoever. Not only that, it’s not like you just forbid you to upload new content, they actually deleted everything you’ve uploaded in the previous four years leading up to that point. Yeah. But yeah, yeah, that’s crazy. So. So now you’re, you’re at that point where your primary source of new customers I guess, vanished. And we’ve all been there, unfortunately.

16:41

And we’re talking 90% of traffic.

16:46

Wow, overnight, just gone. Just like that. Yeah. Wow. Okay. So, man, that sucks. So I guess I have two questions. First one being? How important in that moment? Was your list? And how did you start engaging that list? Managing that list? Or? What? What? What changed for you in that moment?

17:10

Well, luckily, I had been focusing on the list. Always, like the whole time I had a YouTube channel, I’d always focused on the list. And the guy that suggested that I start the channel in the first place, he was also a fan of Ben set. Also, he got me interested in him. And so it was nothing. So much changed with the list once that happened, like how do I say that because the I informed them of what happened, and then I kept on communicating with them as I had before is what I’m trying to say. But it was just the fact that I had that meant, I still had, like, my most loyal audience, I still could reach out, I still could contact them when I got. And the other thing was, I did end up starting some new things, I did put new videos in a new place, and I did start writing more articles for my website and creating content that way. And because I had that list, I was able to jumpstart the growth of all of those things, because I could push my list easily or towards all of that new content that I was creating that I would have otherwise had to, you know, like what I was saying, when I started the YouTube channel, nobody could care less. But now I never had to be in that position, because I had the list that enjoyed the content I was creating, and I could push them towards it.

18:53

That’s awesome, man. First off, I think not only you’re very smart in building a list, but you’re also very smart to have a mailing list. Because there’s a lot of people out there who don’t. A lot. Like you’d be surprised maybe 90% of people who collect email addresses from whatever platforms they work with. They don’t email the list and I just messed up as far as I’m concerned for someone like me. Yeah. So I’m like been settled, you know, we mail alerts every single day. And yeah, so I’m curious then if that’s and again, if you’re not comfortable answering that just tell me I’m crossing the line or something. But what was the rough ballpark? Of the of the list size that you were that you managed to build from all these YouTube views prior to the moment of getting that account? Event?

19:47

Yeah, I think it was like 40,000 or something like that.

19:51

All right, not bad, not bad. So once you lost YouTube channel, what happened to your income did go up to go down that stays the same? Oh,

20:01

no, it went down. It went down, like a I had to, like I lost 90% of my traffic, you know, but the thing like I was able to survive because of the list. Otherwise, I would have just been taken out instantly. Yeah. And then I had to, like, focus on SEO, because the list is amazing, a list is awesome, but you still need, you still need new people to be able to find you. So you need to do a list in conjunction with some sort of traffic generation, whether that be YouTube, SEO, podcast, whatever you want to do. You have to do both. So the list kept me going while I was focusing on SEO and focusing on other things.

20:58

Yeah, because SEO can take some time. So mean, a lot of time Yeah. Yeah, exactly. For me, when, when I’ve got hit when served with these moments in my life, and I had to rely on my list more than I did before, I actually started launching new programs, and new offers to the list. And what I found is, I’ve discovered that the people who like you who follow you, and who trust you, they are happy to continue to buy more products from you. So what I’ve discovered in, you know, in one of these moments is like, I would create a new program on a different topic. And I would get a cash flow injection, just because of that, because of the novelty and having that audience. You know, it was just an instant relief, even, even all throughout the times when things weren’t necessarily the greatest. Like, for example, in my industry, it’s notorious for having a really slow summer, like in summertime, people tend to get distracted, you know, from trying to make money or build a business. And, you know, you’ve noticed this, like, last week, for example, I’ve noticed, and it’s August, as we’re shooting this. So I noticed my conversions and my cold traffic went down significantly, I’m talking like by at least 60%, the show, I am able to reduce my ad spent and waited out until the start of the September. Because I know things are gonna pick up then all while, you know, we continue to either run promotions to the list or to produce new stuff to the existing audience. So, you know, what I really think a lot of people don’t realize is just how much they’re undervaluing their existing audience and the support that audience wants to show, because these people really want to show their support they want to they pet patronize your business, they want to show their support by buying stuff from you. But I don’t think nearly as many Elizabeth elders are doing a great job of presenting more offers to them. You know, this is also like a big, big, big lesson for me at one point where the tolerance that my best customers showed to, to offer exposure. And that tolerance was far, far, far higher than then I imagined it to be.

23:22

Absolutely. And I mean, a lot of them like hearing from you. Like, they don’t feel like another email trying to sell to me. They’re like, oh, awesome. Here’s an email from this guy that I really like, and who makes great content, you know? And yeah, I mean, I’ve email. I mean, I pitch in every email, I write and, like, unabashedly, and I will have people email me who enjoy my content, who somehow whatever, they accidentally unsubscribe, or somehow they come off the list. And there’ll be like, Oh, hey, sorry, I love your emails. I want to get back on the list somehow. I don’t know what happened. Like, people like it, you don’t have to worry. People want to hear from you. They signed up for you from a reason for a reason. And that, yeah,

24:17

it’s a combination. It’s like a topic, right? That they’ll continue wanting to consume more content about it. Like there’s not enough content that I can consume about gaming about first person shooters, the new Call of Duty game coming out, there’s not enough content I consume around Manchester United. And in all the transfer drama that’s happening right now. Like there’s just you can’t bore me with it. Like there’s it’s impossible. So anyone who’s passionate about having a better sex life, will continue to consume your content and they will crave it because it’s a form of it’s a form of entertainment to them. It’s a form of I don’t want to say addiction, but it’s something they want to experience more in their life.

24:59

Yeah, absolutely, yeah. Yeah, perfect.

25:03

Yeah. All right, man. Well, it’s been it’s been highly entertaining, highly educational. Unfortunately, we are out of time, we have to stick to the format. Guys, and this is specifically to guys listening. If you would like to learn how to have a better sex life, how to expand your horizon, how to get your, your partner to do the things in bed that they’ve been saying no, no to or just to how to become a better lover, you can go and check out Charles’s program at donofdesire.com. Charles, at this point in time, I don’t think I don’t think you’ve got any digital marketing courses

25:44

yet. No, no, no, no, just on your point of donofdesire.com, I would suggest they if they visit donofdesire.com Just scroll down and they can sign up and get access to the videos that were banned from YouTube. And then they can also join my email list and see the emails that I send that which may be helpful to them.

26:07

Yeah, absolutely. Guys, you should definitely subscribe to Charles’s list, even if you don’t plan on buying his courses. Now and that goes for both men and women listening as well as the non-binary people listening I guess we have to be considerate of that. So Charles’s emails are like when you read them you’re like yeah, this guy this guy does the Ben settle thing to a tee like to a point where at some point I even thought that Ben settle was like ghostwriting, his emails because they were so good. They’re cocky, they’re funny. Pay attention to Charles’s spelling of the particular spam triggering words, that this is actually a trick I stole from you, Charles, I’ll be honest, I now use it with our own stuff, like the way you misspelled the word sex and stuff like that. I now, do the same for words like freedom, opportunity, money, get rich and stuff like that. It’s really, really helpful for email delivery. Yeah, so guys, head over to donofdesire.com. Scroll down, you will be able to see all the videos that got banned off of YouTube, you’ll be able to get on Charles’s list, and you should subscribe and read his emails. And, Charles, I just want to thank you for taking the time to sit down with me to do this episode. I really, I wasn’t sure what to expect when I reached out to you. But I felt it would be extremely important to help our audience see and understand exactly why they should be building their own list.

27:34

Awesome. Thank you so much. It was it was fun. Yeah, I enjoyed the experience. Thank you very much.

27:40

Awesome. Awesome. All right, guys. So this is it for the list building lifestyle. I’ll see you on the next one. Thank you for listening to the list building lifestyle. Get access to the previous episodes transcript of today’s show, as well as other exclusive content at www.listbuildinglifestyleshow.com. Also, remember to claim your free copy of my bestselling book at www.igorsbook.com. It explains how I made millions with list building starting from scratch. Plus, I’ll give you $3,000 worth of free bonuses, including my best landing page templates, email, swipe files, and traffic blueprints. Go to www.igorsbook.com now to claim your free package.